Friday, August 31, 2007

orange breakfast, squeezing seats, and smells...

today i was on the subway, enjoying my lovely seat when we got to the second stop. everyone piled in, and then i noticed a girl squeezing through the doors, do the "look" around for a seat, and come to where i was sitting and say "couldyou?" and move her hands to symbolize "move over" to me and the guy sitting next to me. she was in her 20s and did not appear to have any physical ailment that would allow her not to stand. so i move over, and she squeezed her way in between me and the guy. then i noticed she was wearing a long sleeved THERMAL hoody in august in new york city. and i hated her even more. (did i mention that i was dripping with sweat as i had my suitcase with me and had to carry it up stairs to the trian?)
then she started rummaging through her bag, creating chaos as she did so. she pulled out foundation, and started putting it on- it was darker than her skin and looked hideous. (and, as i am pretty sure i am already going to hell, i dont think anything could help her).
so after the foundation was added, she rummaged again. and pulls out a baggie, with, ladies and gentleman, what was her breakfast. and do you know what this "breakfast" was? i shall tell you. this "breakfast" was the processed peanut butter and crackers- you know, the kind in a package. but, my friends, not just any pb and crackers, the kind with the ORANGE crackers. i looked at the crackers for probably one whole minute wondering if i was seeing things. wondering WHY wondering HOW. i dont think it is possible for me to eat anything orange before noon. eggs are yellow. no muffins are orange. peanut butter is brown. orange processed crackers?! so i looked away in disgust.
then i noticed, once we crossed into manhattan she had her hand over her nose. and she kept making awful faces. i couldnt smell anything. so then i thought, with delight "maybe i have bad breath!" so i immediately started breathing towards her. like a dragon. like fire... i was breathing on this bitch. but then i noticed she kept giving the guy next to her dirty looks. so i decided to take a deep smell. cologne. that was all. and it wasnt nasty saturated cologne. it wsa FINE. typical male smell. maybe she hates male smell, i dont know. but she was being completely and utterly OBNOXIOUS about it. and trying to get CLOSER to me. no. you dont press your body up against me in 90 degreee humidity on the subway.
so then, at 49th street, she got up. and i had a silent hoorah, but she MOVES TO THE OTHER SIDE OF ME. so it definitely was not my breath, but this guys cologne. so there she is pressed up against my left thigh. great.
then she pulls out a snapple, and starts sucking on a straw to drink it like a baby bottle, and she does not stop, like a baby and a bottle. she just sucks and sucks and drains that snapple. til it starts making those noises. by now, i cant smell cologne guy, but she is still being obnoxious, and at 34th street, she moves to the end of our row. and shoots me and cologne guy dirty looks. THEN some guy sits down next to her, and she shoots HIM a dirty look.
because i couldnt stare at her directly, luckily there is a wonderful window that i can look into and see her reflection. as i looked at her, sitting, being miserable, i suddenly started thinking about the people she must work with, and how much they must hate her. and i was so glad i did not work with her. she jumped up at 14th street and weas never seen again... she must bring misery, hatred, and those goddamn dirty looks with her wherever she goes.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

what the fuck... is that blood?

the other day i got on my trusty n/w line at canal, which is always a delightful thing as i can always get a seat. as i walked on the sparsely populated train, and walked toward the seat that i wanted (i like the ones on the end, i feel like i have more room) i saw a red substance on the ground. i thought "what the fuck- is that blood?" upon closer inspection and evidence, i realized it was not blood, but ketchup. (the evidence being one of those little ketchup holders you pump ketchup into at some restaurants). i sat near it, but not near enough to step in it. the next stop, i saw more people have the same reaction: what the fuck, is that blood? then realizing, as i did, that it was merely someones carelessness with ketchup, the relief flooding over their faces, but there still avoidance of standing near it. it was just ketchup, but still, gross. i wonder if the evidence of the container was not present, what people would have done. i'm sure in the true new york fashion of ignoring, subway life as we know it would have gone on as usual.
i noticed a few things as the train plugged further uptown and got more crowded:
1. afterawhile and with more people on the train, there would still be the initial "is that blood?" moment, but then no one seemed to care if they stepped on it anymore - it was rather hard to avoid. the closer we got to 42nd street, the harder it was to even see it.
2. the stench. the more people who got on the train, in the middle of august, in manhattan, the hotter it gets on the train, and the grosser the smell gets. what i learned this ketchup day is that not only do sweaty city smell worse packed onto the subway, but so does ketchup.

as the ride wore on, the ketchup was hidden by feet, and the stench was hidden by B.O. and by the time i got off, i had practically forgotten about the ketchup...

Thursday, August 16, 2007

why my day job makes me happy

i still call it day job even though im not in a production right now. because it is not my forever job. but. it makes me happy. why?

here are some reasons as of the past couple of days:

1. after an amazing, relaxing, fun vacation in ireland, though of course i would love to still be there, i did not dread going back to work my first day back. at borders, it was really a hassle that first morning back "DONT MAKE ME YOU CANT MAKE ME" and then you would be back and it would still be as shitty as when you left, and usually, 10 new "rules" would have started making you have less freedom to express yourself than before. but this time, i didnt mind, and was looking forward to seeing my coworkers.

2. when i did return, i was greeted with tons of "we missed you!! so glad you are back!" etc. it makes you feel appreciated.

3. yesterday a coworker was going to borders so i had her pick me up the new hamlet dvd, while leaving work i was showing it to two coworkers, blabbing about it. today, one of the people i was showing it off to said "did you watch hamlet?" he remembered, and i like that.

4. this didnt happen in the past couple of days, but everyone was highly supportive of my harry potter craziness in july - and all asked me about it afterwards.

i love it.

and we get cake tomorrow, and there are oreos in the kitchen.
and i have coffee and an english muffin every morning.

and i have a question mark shaped desk, to match my scar.

?what if! new york - a comforting place to be!