Thursday, September 17, 2009


we have all been there. we have all been tired on the subway home.
we have seen the person sitting there, his/her head nodding, hanging next to his/her shoulder.
then suddenly, the head pops up, then the drooping begins again. yes. we have all seen it. we have all tensed up when the person next to us starts slowly leaning... nodding... then BOOM they sit up. however, apparently, this isn't always the case. apparently, sometimes, the sleep just takes over.
such was the case with a gentleman on the N train last Monday.

I had class Monday night, i walked to on station, and transferred at the next. when i got on i thought "oh lovely, a whole empty bench." then i looked. and there, sprawled out on the "empty" bench was a man. lying down. sleeping. legs up on the bench. he was wearing nice clothes! pants, nice shoes, a shirt and tie. I'm not talking grocery cart at his side, no shoes, unshowered for months. i am talking on his way home from work look! anyway, there was enough space on both ends for people to sit. so i sat near his head, and the guy who walked on with me sat near his feet (we exchanged a look of "what the fuck" and a laugh when first we saw).
And readers, you may be shocked that i DID indeed sit down near this mans head, but when you are reading a good book, nothing will stop you from pulling it out of your bag and sitting down to read.
So I sat. I looked at the guy out of the corner of my eye and suddenly thought "what if this guy is DEAD!?" so i immediately stopped reading, put my book on my lap, and looked at his chest. I'm thinking "OK, I'll have to SAY something if this guy isn't breathing." and i figured the guy sitting near his feet and i could discuss the situation. so i stare at his chest... up, down, up down. OK phew. he was breathing. so i continued with my reading, occasionally catching glances with the guy on the other end- like we were sharing something with this sleeper.
With each person who came on, I liked to see their reactions to sleeping man. some made faces, some acted as if there was nothing there.
Then, my friends, around Queensboro plaza, i suddenly hear snoring. this guy was OUT. i mean, who SNORES when they are catching a few winks on the train? you'd think it was 3 am, lights out, quiet house the way this guy was carrying on. and NOTHING woke him. not the sudden jerking of the train as it stopped, not the announcements with each stop. NOTHING. I was kind of nervous that the guy at his feet was going to get off at a stop before mine, and was rather pleased when he was still on at my stop, which is the LAST STOP on the line. when we got up, feet man kind of tapped sleeping man on the leg as if to say "OK buddy, this is it" did sleeping man move? nope.

For all I know, he is still lying there.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


While walking along on my way home from the gym yesterday, i saw this rather normal looking guy look disgustingly at someone/thing and say "that's fucking gross." with such contempt. so of course, i whipped around thinking "this is gonna be good." and what do i see? nothing. a guy on his cell phone. a woman pushing a baby carriage..

i literally sat there for a minute looking around - the train? the store front? the sidewalk? the trash can? I almost wanted to go up to the guy and say "excuse me sir, WHAT is fucking gross? I always want an opportunity to see something fucking gross, so i'd appreciate you filling me in..."

but instead i went on my way, wondering what he could have been talking about.

oh, and i checked, he wasnt on the phone - no ear piece, no phone, nothing.

Friday, August 7, 2009

irony on the subway

last night, on the subway, this woman across from me was talking to her boyfriend? friend? anyway, this boyfriend/friend was looking out the window at someone who got off the subway, saying something about him (i thought maybe he knew him) so woman turns around and i hear her say "oh yeah, that's a F-gg-t" (i refuse to type it) - then she says "oh, you cant say F-gg-t anymore, you have to say 'tranny...' well - that's what we get for living in new york." and i am looking at this woman thinking "YOU think you can judge people!?" because, my friends, this was the woman who said that.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

He was a strange man

My aunt's reaction to Michael Jackson's death is the title of this post.

I was not a huge MJ fan.

I can respect thriller. I can respect his music.

But, he was a strange man...

my thoughts: i think my shock comes because i was convinced he was not actually human.
the nose, the skin changing... i think i just assumed he was not of this earth. and now, he is not.

Greeted by Farrah and Ed McMahon.

And poor farrah now takes a back seat.

As soon as I heard he was taken to the hospital and was in cardiac arrest, i thought "he died." I knew it.

I saw the window he dangled the baby out of in London.
and yes, i moonwalked on occasion.

he was a strange man...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

YOU'RE sorry!?!?!?

"No, there is nothing I can do for you, I'm very sorry ma'am." -
Thad, southern idiot who works for citibank customer service.

now. i have worked in customer service.
and the one thing i was told was: THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
so. how come i feel like whenever i am the customer, i am WRONG?
i have been having difficulties with citibank. I had to get a new card because i lost my other one (my fault, i know) they sent me a new one.
It didn't work. it was my old (like 4 cards ago old) number.
So they sent me another. i figured I'd give it a try. Well, what do you know, it worked. until i tried using it at the grocery store. Apparently it only worked as debit. So I ordered another one. I waited patiently for UPS to arrive. They arrived. and it was THE SAME NUMBER AND DIDN'T WORK. So I called again. This time i got a delightful woman. she was very helpful and told me she would get that to me right away.
And it would be overnighted.
So I have waited. And then I decided to call to get the tracking number.
That is when I got Thad on the phone. Thad. Thad. Thad. poor Thad had no idea what he was getting into.
Apparently my card was not mailed out until TODAY.
I cannot access my account online, or on the phone. All I can do is GO TO THE BANK to transfer funds. To take out money. What is this? 1925? WHAT THE HELL. I kindly asked if i could get it early delivery. i was told no. i then politely asked if there was someone there who had the authority to do that for me. I was told no.
that, my friends is when Thad said "there is nothing I can do for you, I am sorry ma'am."
well, well, well.

Poor Thad then got it. i lost my friggin mind. I told him i thought perhaps after getting billions in bail out money Citibank could step it up, i told him that all of this has been THEIR fault and they are only making it difficult for me. I told him i was going to leave Citibank. I told him it was ridiculous. I told him i worked in customer service and you should always try to do things for the customer. Did I mention I mentioned bail out money? Oh and I mentioned the economy. You always have to throw that in a conversation, i feel.

So. If i don't have enough money in my account and some gets taken out, and i am charged a fee for the overdraft from my savings, you better believe Thad will hear from me. And i better get that fee taken off.

Deep, deep breaths.

Oh, I also told Thad now he'll at least have a funny story to tell his friends tonight - about the crazy lady who called.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

no explination needed. (NEN)

Oh Megan! I thought of you today - we were walking near times square and there was a guy passing out Obama condoms!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Let's play pretend!

i'm back.
i know.
it has been a

but here i am. and from the suggestion of my dear friend jess, I have decided to start posting some weird things that have been said to me. I will not divulge the name of the person who said it to me... unless the person gives me their permission to mock them mercilessly on this blog.

I will begin with one of the worst, most degrading, surprising, shocking things that has ever been said to me.

This one I will preface. I was at a job. In an office. Which, for anyone who doesn't know me, is NOT what I want to do. I went to school for acting. Therefore, a receptionist seemed a doable job. But then the office manager left. And without any consultation, it was assumed (without telling me) that I would take over those duties. One morning, the sayer of the quote was showing me around telling me different things I needed to do. Then. It hit.

"When you are at work, just pretend that you are in a play, and your role is someone anal retentive."

Wait. What? No! She didn't really say that? Oh my GOD i am SO INSULTED. I Quit. I have to quit. Those were my thoughts in about .5 seconds. My reply? A nervous laugh. Nervous because I was afraid. Very afraid of what might come out if I actually spoke. Part of me wishes I had just walked. But rent needed to be paid.

"Megan, why don't you PLAY office?!" like I was 5 years old.

This person is actually a friend of mine. Now that I am far, far away from being a coworker of hers.